Lessons I learned from dad...Life Lesson #1 - The Will of the Wind

Growing up in Manila, I would often get stuck in traffic inside the car with my dad - my popskie - my father. I remember as a little girl he would always, as we urbanites call it these days, get the radio all turnt up whenever he would hear THAT one song. I never really understood what it meant at that time.

Fast forward many many years later, living alone and single in a foreign land - thousands and thousands of miles away from friends, family and a place that I once called home.  I remember, one fateful day, being all sad, feeling all alone and helpless that I started praying in silence, begging the merciful Lord up above to grant me the wisdom, understanding and strength to get me through what I was going through...and just as if heaven heard me and wanted to send down an answer right away, on the radio that day, that very moment, I heard the same familiar song my dad would constantly hum on the car whenever we were stuck in traffic:

            "I spent half my life

             looking for the reasons things must change.

             And half my life trying to make them stay the same

             But love would fade like summer into fall;

             All that I could see was a mystery, 

             It made no sense at all.

            The will of the wind, you feel it and then

            It will pass you blowing steady.

            It comes and it goes, and God only knows, 

            You must keep your sails on ready.

            So when it begins, get all that you can; 

            You must befriend the will of the wind.

           I spent so many hours

           Thinking about the way things might have been.

           And so many hours, trying to bring the good times back again.

           And so it goes for lonely hearted fools;

           They let their days slip away

           Until they give into...

           The will of the wind, you feel it and then

            It will pass you blowing steady.

            It comes and it goes, and God only knows, 

            You must keep your sails on ready.

            So when it begins, get all that you can; 

            You must befriend the will of the wind." 

           - (WILL OF THE WIND)

For one moment, I was back in Manila...that little girl stuck in traffic with dad. It was a reminder - from up above-  how strong, positive and optimistic I have always been with everything in my life. Hearing the song this time though felt a little bit different...now I finally understood why he would often turn it up whenever he heard it playing on the car radio...

People often wonder why I am so strong. I go through life testers every so often- alone - on my own- yet I can still walk around with a smile on my face - with my head up - with my bitch face on. With that same twisted sense of humor that i've always had and with positivity and faith that tomorrow will always a brand new day - another chance to make things better and fix whatever needs to be ironed out. 

Some people call it problems... I call it life testers. And just like how my dad would constantly hum and sing along with that one song, when life's adversities come along, I learned to just go along with it. Sometimes it hurts so bad I tend to bend down soooo low...but I never break and I never will break and surrender to life's challenges. I've realized there are things in life that we can't control happening to us and we just have to go with the flow and hang in there no matter what.  And when it's all over, we realize life's testers don't come into our lives to break us...it only makes us stronger and hopefully better human beings in the end.

xo,

C

What makes you happy?

Sunsets
Long runs
Travelling
Being with family
Being with friends
Patron
Shoes
Dancing
Football
Baseball
Basketball
Soccer
Boxing
Vegas
New York City
Hongkong
Manila
South Beach
Satorini, Greece
Hello Kitty
FaceTime with my busy mom who barely has time to talk to me
Lake Tahoe
Boating
Wakeboarding
Snowboarding
Four wheel driving
ATV runs
Opening my heart out to my best girl friends and telling them what's making me happy..or sad
Fast cars
Unexpected phone calls
Early morning text messages
DJ Vice
Playing Chef & experimenting on new dishes and seeing friends die over my masterpiece
Baking
Just being a dork
Laughing
Kicking it
Freshly cut and long stemmed flowers
Getting that unexpected invite somewhere exciting around the globe spontaneously
Six inch heels so I don't look so short next to my friends who are 6 ft tall
Louis Vuittons
Cuddles
Loves
Kisses
LoveBites
CUddles
Loves
Kisses
Luvbites
Cuddles ...

...my list can go on and on...

and though there are a million things in this world that makes me sad...these are a few of my favorite things.

HOw about you? WHat makes you happy?

xo,

C

Padres & Dodgers - A Brawl & the Blame Game AND BRIAN STOW

It's 2 AM and I just got an irate tweet from a close friend of mine putting words into my mouth saying that I am condoning violence and even death in sports. In this case, the infamous Dodgers/Padres game the other day.

Let me make myself clear. I am NOT condoning violence at all. All I am saying is that there are TWO people to blame in this.Not just one.

First of all, regardless of who was playing on that unfortunate game the other day, I would still stand up to my belief, til the day that I die, that I am appalled at how people just conveniently point the finger on Carlos Quentin and that "poor" Zack Greinke has a broken collarbone and that Quentin shouldn't be back on the field until "poor" Zach Greinke is well enough to play again.

This is NOT about being a San Diego or Los Angeles fan. This unfortunate story is all about an apparently not so smart/high priced pitcher named Zack Greinke who, from past history, is known to have hit Carlos Quentin twice already (obviously took him out of a game twice in the past- and as sports analysts said was obviously intentional) - decided it was probably "smart" to hit him again so he can get hurt and walk off.

If anyone at all was watching the game, Quentin, despite the hit, tried to let it go but Greinke continued to run his foul mouth and instigated Quentin to come after him, playing that tough guy with the small man complex, and resulted in a brawl. It is apparent that Greinke obviously does not really have anything much between his ears as the person he provoked was obviously 3 times bigger his size.

Unfortunately, as in most brawls, people do get hurt. And in this case, the smaller guy, THE INSTIGATOR, Zach Greinke, got hurt and suffered a broken collarbone - taking him out of the game- for the next two months.

I am not defending Carlos Quentin for his actions. However, I do understand where he is coming from. Someone was trying to hurt him the way most baseball careers abruptly end - not only once - but three times in a row. How can that not be so obvious?

The bigger guy does not always mean THE BAD GUY.

Who threw the foul ball? Three times? Greinke.

Who ran his mouth despite Quentin letting it go and threw his gloves down yelling to the bigger guy invectives? Greinke.

WHo got hurt? Greinke.

So this is all Quentin's fault? Apparently not. MLB, thank GOD- has ruled out that Greinke and Matt Kemp, who also charged at Quentin after the game at the parking lot, also got suspended. So, there you go folks. Greinke IS ALSO TO BLAME FOR HIS MISFORTUNE. His injury was a result of his own evil manipulated battle which went sour in the end. It's simple.

It's like North Korea instigating America with a war and when they go down, who's the one to blame for it? America?!?! Just because we are the considered the superpower of the world and more prepared for stuff like this than North Korea? Well, we surely didn't start the war, did we?

Bottomline, I don't condone violence in sports. I believe in fair play. I even frown upon my own teams when refs dont play fair - like that Louisville/Michigan NCAA game with the infamous Peyton Siva playing -when the refs called deliberate fouls on Michigan while I had a stake at the number one spot in my brackets for Louisville and had serious money in play as well. So don't anyone ever call me as someone condoning violence in sports because I take personal offense in that.

I also take personal offense in this whole incident not as a Padres fan but as a San Franciscan . First off, I live, breath and enjoy the blessing of being able to call San Francisco my home. I will always be a Padres/"Daygo" fan for life but San Francisco is my home. I moved up to the Bay from Daygo twelve years ago and finally found home. San Francisco is where my heart is.

Two years ago, Brian Stow, a young, off duty paramedic from San Francisco, was half beaten to death at the Dodger Park. All because he was wearing a Giants gear and cheered for his city. HALF BEATEN TO DEATH. With no security or bodyguards or teammates protecting him. And now I see people who never had much to say or show disgust to that horrendous attack or even had the nerve of going further by saying he so deserved to be half beaten to death because he was repping the wrong team in their hood- quickly point fingers and whine about how Carlos Quentin should be suspended longer because someone from THEIR TEAM instigated a stupid brawl. How violence should be condemned in sports. Good that you now know why violence should be shunned in our soceity.

Two sides people, TWO SIDES.

Carlos Quentin AND Zack Greinke are BOTH TO BLAME. Bottomline is, Zack Greinke started the whole thing. Had he not been stupid enough to hurt someone, try to take someone's career out and run his foul mouth, he would have not suffered a broken collarbone at this point. I would not be blogging at 3 in the morning about some unfortunate incident that occurred all because of wrong and not so smart game play decisions made by Zack Greinke.In other words, I am so sorry to say, but he is also to blame for his own misfortune. Not just the guy who got his collarbone broken because he was bigger.

DO keep in mind, Zach Greinke, also tried to brawl and hurt Carlos Quentin as is evidently shown on the videos. If Carlos Quentin was the one who suffered a broken collarbone, would they feel that Zack Greinke should not play for as long as Carlos Quentin is not back on the field yet? I personally and honestly, dont think so.

So there. Watch AND listen. Don't just say things based on what you hear or read about. As they always say in baseball, keep your eyes on the ball and the prize. And as a San Franciscan, REMEMBER BRIAN STOW.

I do not condone violence at all. I do not like watching people get injured while watching sports.Seeing someone go down means money and precious opportunities taken away from the athlete. Food is literally taken away from the table. Oftentimes, with so many mouths to feed.Sometimes, an injury means someone's career is over - senselessly - just like that.

 I work on special projects on my own dime and precious time to bring sports outside the country to developing countries to share and promote it - not violence. I do not wish to name my personal experiences of violence, personal charities I have and been actively participated in to raise awareness and prevent violence so telling me and putting words into my mouth that I condone violence is the most disgusting, vile and hurtful accusation one can ever hurl at me.

There's always two sides to the story. In every battle, an instigator and a defender. In this case, two people. Carlos Quentin is not the only one to blame for Zack Greinke's misfortune. Zack Greinke was the cause of his own misfortune. I wish him safe and speedy recovery and hopeful that he learned his lesson this time around.It is never smart to instigate fights. Period.

One Love. Peace from my heart to yours - we all love the game. For sure.

Toodles.

xoCH

Happy Forever After...

Can I just say, I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you and I can't wait!

I look forward to waking up in your arms every single morning for the rest of my life - waking up to the best thing that ever happened to me. That warm hug that makes you never want to get out of bed, that kiss to wake you up and tell you just how wonderful it is to open my eyes next to you.

I can imagine all those days at work, away from you and how thinking about you once in a while will make the day so much easier and how knowing I am coming home to you in a few can simply make the day go faster.

So excited for countless lazy Sunday mornings where only sleeping in, pancakes and football matters. Just the mere thought of having someone watch all those awesome hoops, baseball and football games thrill me no end. We don't necessarily have to be on the same team - just having someone share my love for sports certainly makes me feel like i'm the luckiest girl alive.

I long for summers where we can be beach bums and little silly fishies just playing out in the water. Walks in the beach, watching the perfect sunrise and sunset is so much more fun with you around.

I am excited to spend long cold winter seasons with you knowing it is a perfect excuse to have you keep me warm and make me feel safe in your strong, loving arms.

Now I know I don't have to spend holidays alone. Oh how wonderful it is to know that finally, there is someone to kiss on New Year's Eve. Someone to share a corny, overpriced dinner on Valentine's Day instead of going to an I Hate Vday party which is more often than not, too bleak and dark. Finally there is someone to hold hands with when I go to church on Easter and not get jealous of friends sleeping in with their significant others on all those other silly holidays. Now there's a reason to cook for that one special man on Thanksgiving other than my crazy silly friends and finally, someone to kiss beneath my perfect misletoe during Christmas. 

Just the thought of having to rsvp for special events with a plus one is so exciting! Now I don't have to be the third wheel on trips with friends to ultra romantic places like Maui, cruises or feeling like a chaperone when going to the movies, bars or restaurants with a big group.

I am so excited to plan the next 20, 30 or heck maybe 40 or more years of my life with you...mapping out where we want to be when we are not too busy with work. Santorini, an exotic, hidden island somewhere, discovering new routes where we can go four wheel driving in the snow or maybe even a trip out to the moon or Mars - I really dont care for as long as I am with you.

Now there's a hand to hold during days when the universe isn't working, a listening ear with an open heart during times when I am hurt, and a smiling face who genuinely feels happy for me when things are perfectly in place.

I can't explain how excited I am to finally have someone lay beside me at night and not have to worry if the house alarm is set because I know someone is right there - just there- to hold and protect me through the night.

I can go on and on and on about the many wonderful adventures I so look forward to sharing with you and really, I am so excited and I so can't wait!

So... until then, I will keep on living day by day with hope, faith and trust in my heart that one day, someday... you will soon find me so we can start to begin living our little fairytale forever after. =)

 

When in doubt, that only means ONE thing...he's just not that into YOU.

I can't sleep and when I can't sleep I do what I do best. Read. And Write...and try to get my dork on.


I want to write but for some reason I am distracted this morning. I know why I am but of course I will not write about that. Instead, let me make this distraction and writer's block reasons for me to pay homage to one of my favorite relationships expert, Greg Behrendt.


I love books.There are books that inspire, empower, work your imagination and really just make your brain a little bit sharper. And then there are books that you love because they serve as friends who truly and totally understand you when half of the world is asleep and no one really cares to listen to your feelings and apprehensions about commitment, skepticism about relationships and finding The One - those kind of books that don't really require a lot of brain power but f*cks your mind up anyway after reading it because you tend to analyze a whole universe of things and use your emotions along with it. =p


Friends say that over the years, I have changed. From being one who always believed in fairytale happy endings to someone who is so cynical about relationships those who know me so well tend to make fun of my emotional unavailability. They often wonder where that sweet girl who always dreamed of romance and happy ever afters went and where did this bitch who totally has no shame at all declaring her total emotional unavailability without batting an eyelash ever came from.


Defense mechanism.I guess. I've been hurt so many times I feel that when I get see signs that that one man isn't into me, then I try to put up this wall around me and instead of crying, tend to just be rational about it and tend to skip it and move on.


Where did I get this list from? Blame it on Greg Behrendt, author of the book "He is just not that into you". His book is like my bible. Every single time I feel sad, emotional, or just feeling sorry for myself that I come home every night to a very quiet house, I grab his book. It's like a happy pill. I read it and a couple of pages into it, I start feeling good again and don't feel so bad about being alone.


So how do you know someone is not into you?According to good ole Greg, here are the wonderful and astonishing signs:


He is just not that into you if:
1. He is not asking you out.
2. He is not calling you.
3. He is not dating you.
4.He is not having sex with you.
5.He only wants to see you when he is drunk
6. He doesn't want to marry you.
7. He is breaking up with you.
8. He's disappeared on you.
9. He is married and other insane variations of being unavailable.
10. He is having sex with someone else.
11. He is a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak


Sounds familiar?I know huh...super scary because I bet you 8 out of 10 girls can identify or relate to at least one thing stipulated above.


So what's a girl got to do then, Again, according to my favorite relationship guru, the following should be every single girl's mantra:


I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstance, spend my previous time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is clearly not a good, kind, loving person.


Easier said than done but really, did you want to be that welcome doormat to that mean, inconsiderate jerk? I surely hope not.


Can you keep a secret? Really, it's not the list of danger signs nor the mantra that makes me run to this book over and over again. Let me share with you my daily affirmation, thanks to Mr. Greg Behrendt:


"Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.


... Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you NEVER GAVE UP ON HOPE.


Keep your heads up ladies. Let faith, hope and trust guide you in finding that one true love each and everyone of us so deserve in this lifetime.


Ciao!


xoxo


C

Of Princes, Frogs and all those oh so many unhappy endings....

Have you ever had your heart broken by someone? I have. A million times over. Every single time my heart breaks into those million godwillieversurvivethisheartbreak shattering pieces, I always tell myself, "it's ok, it will be better the next time". Yet time and again, it's always the same old story. The Prince, always turns out to be a frog...more like a toad actually.

A heartbreak is the saddest thing that I have ever come to know in my life. See, i'm a very happy person and I know I am so much fun to have around. I work hard, I play hard. None of these material things around me really matter as much as I treasure and value that ONE relationship I ever so much cherish...with someone I hope or hoped to spend the rest of my life with.

I have had my heart broken so many times it would probably put Carrie Bradshaw and Aiden's infamous "post it note" break-up to shame.

My ex husband broke me the news that he was leaving me for some other woman over dinner. Yes. Just like that. At some fancy shmanzy sushi place where a plate that wouldn't even fill up the smallest maltese puppy cost about one benjamin each. Nothing dramatic,just a conversation over overpriced sushi and godhowIhate sake.As emotional and as dramatic as I was, I didn't shed a single tear. I just said fine and simply walked away. I even drove him home that night, wanting to smash the brand new Camaro as a revenge.The only thing that stopped me from doing that was a morbid vision of my legs filled with blood dripping on my new Gucci shoes if I smashed the car.

When I was younger I had someone break up with me through email. He was halfway across the world, stuck aboard USS Cole when Bin Laden and his evil pals decided to strike the infamous warship. There I was, single and living alone in San Diego...crying my gut out while staring at a lifeless computer monitor.

My list goes on and on. But then again, these are all in the past. Gone. Buried. Dead. Buhbye.

I look back at all these so many unhappy endings and still refuse to be let down.Somehow I still believe, that perhaps, that happy ever after is not so far away.That perhaps, Prince Charming will eventually soon show up and kiss me back to life.

I keep on wondering if he's ever coming at all. Or maybe, he already passed me by while I was busy wasting my time with princes who actually turned into toads as time went by. I'd like to keep that faith. And until I find him, I will always be bestfriends with hope and trust that one day, some day, maybe i'll find my happy ending. He doesn't have to be a prince. Just someone who won't turn into a toad no matter how many kisses and smooches he gets from me after.   =)

Loving and Letting Go

Love. Everyone seems to want to have it but not everyone really finds it.At least not the kind that seems to last forever after.

It's the same vicious cycle.Boy meets girl.Girl falls in love.Boy leaves her.Girl's heart is left broken.So bad that it would take a whole universe to trust someone again and then want to go through that vicious cycle of going through the motion and yet get hurt...over and over again.

We never stop. Yes. Us. The ones who believe in finding true love. The ones who never give up on hope that one day...maybe someday...we will finally find that one person who will never ever hurt us and leave us. The one that finally puts fantasy into pure reality - that love does exist for forever after.

But then yet again, alas, because life is never like fairytale storybooks and does not really come with a guaranteed happy ending, we fall and then we get our hearts...broken. Yet.Again.

Letting go is never easy. It's frustrating. I feel whenever I let go, a part of me goes away. A part of me gets lost. Somewhere.For nothing. Sometimes I wish I belonged in a society where love does not exist. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be hurting. This bad.

Today I had to let go of something I thought would last forever. Yes - the kind that had a storybook happy ending. It happened so fast. I didn't even know how someone can just throw away something that seemed so solid, so real - just like that. Today I finally realized that love probably shouldn't exist in my heart.Maybe, just maybe, it didn't have to hurt this bad.

So goodbye to you. Yes you - the one who just broke my heart. I have given you the best that I possibly could and never really asked and expected for much. I just loved loving you and didn't really ask for much in return. Maybe that's why it was easy for you to just let go...all because I never asked for anything much. Maybe you felt you never really had to try. So hard.

I pray to God you never love as much as I have loved you, only to get hurt and broken in the end. Thank you for loving me and thank you for giving me the chance to love you the best way I possibly could. I wish you only the best and hope that when you find her, you never have to break her heart the way you did mine.

TOday I am letting you go. Today I promise myself that despite all the hurt and pain that I have inside me, I will not let that stop from opening myself up to other opportunities to build a solid relationship. Yes. The kind that lasts forever after. Maybe, just maybe, one day. I may never ever have to cry and hurt like this, ever again.