When in doubt, that only means ONE thing...he's just not that into YOU.

I can't sleep and when I can't sleep I do what I do best. Read. And Write...and try to get my dork on.


I want to write but for some reason I am distracted this morning. I know why I am but of course I will not write about that. Instead, let me make this distraction and writer's block reasons for me to pay homage to one of my favorite relationships expert, Greg Behrendt.


I love books.There are books that inspire, empower, work your imagination and really just make your brain a little bit sharper. And then there are books that you love because they serve as friends who truly and totally understand you when half of the world is asleep and no one really cares to listen to your feelings and apprehensions about commitment, skepticism about relationships and finding The One - those kind of books that don't really require a lot of brain power but f*cks your mind up anyway after reading it because you tend to analyze a whole universe of things and use your emotions along with it. =p


Friends say that over the years, I have changed. From being one who always believed in fairytale happy endings to someone who is so cynical about relationships those who know me so well tend to make fun of my emotional unavailability. They often wonder where that sweet girl who always dreamed of romance and happy ever afters went and where did this bitch who totally has no shame at all declaring her total emotional unavailability without batting an eyelash ever came from.


Defense mechanism.I guess. I've been hurt so many times I feel that when I get see signs that that one man isn't into me, then I try to put up this wall around me and instead of crying, tend to just be rational about it and tend to skip it and move on.


Where did I get this list from? Blame it on Greg Behrendt, author of the book "He is just not that into you". His book is like my bible. Every single time I feel sad, emotional, or just feeling sorry for myself that I come home every night to a very quiet house, I grab his book. It's like a happy pill. I read it and a couple of pages into it, I start feeling good again and don't feel so bad about being alone.


So how do you know someone is not into you?According to good ole Greg, here are the wonderful and astonishing signs:


He is just not that into you if:
1. He is not asking you out.
2. He is not calling you.
3. He is not dating you.
4.He is not having sex with you.
5.He only wants to see you when he is drunk
6. He doesn't want to marry you.
7. He is breaking up with you.
8. He's disappeared on you.
9. He is married and other insane variations of being unavailable.
10. He is having sex with someone else.
11. He is a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak


Sounds familiar?I know huh...super scary because I bet you 8 out of 10 girls can identify or relate to at least one thing stipulated above.


So what's a girl got to do then, Again, according to my favorite relationship guru, the following should be every single girl's mantra:


I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstance, spend my previous time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is clearly not a good, kind, loving person.


Easier said than done but really, did you want to be that welcome doormat to that mean, inconsiderate jerk? I surely hope not.


Can you keep a secret? Really, it's not the list of danger signs nor the mantra that makes me run to this book over and over again. Let me share with you my daily affirmation, thanks to Mr. Greg Behrendt:


"Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.


... Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you NEVER GAVE UP ON HOPE.


Keep your heads up ladies. Let faith, hope and trust guide you in finding that one true love each and everyone of us so deserve in this lifetime.


Ciao!


xoxo


C

Of Princes, Frogs and all those oh so many unhappy endings....

Have you ever had your heart broken by someone? I have. A million times over. Every single time my heart breaks into those million godwillieversurvivethisheartbreak shattering pieces, I always tell myself, "it's ok, it will be better the next time". Yet time and again, it's always the same old story. The Prince, always turns out to be a frog...more like a toad actually.

A heartbreak is the saddest thing that I have ever come to know in my life. See, i'm a very happy person and I know I am so much fun to have around. I work hard, I play hard. None of these material things around me really matter as much as I treasure and value that ONE relationship I ever so much cherish...with someone I hope or hoped to spend the rest of my life with.

I have had my heart broken so many times it would probably put Carrie Bradshaw and Aiden's infamous "post it note" break-up to shame.

My ex husband broke me the news that he was leaving me for some other woman over dinner. Yes. Just like that. At some fancy shmanzy sushi place where a plate that wouldn't even fill up the smallest maltese puppy cost about one benjamin each. Nothing dramatic,just a conversation over overpriced sushi and godhowIhate sake.As emotional and as dramatic as I was, I didn't shed a single tear. I just said fine and simply walked away. I even drove him home that night, wanting to smash the brand new Camaro as a revenge.The only thing that stopped me from doing that was a morbid vision of my legs filled with blood dripping on my new Gucci shoes if I smashed the car.

When I was younger I had someone break up with me through email. He was halfway across the world, stuck aboard USS Cole when Bin Laden and his evil pals decided to strike the infamous warship. There I was, single and living alone in San Diego...crying my gut out while staring at a lifeless computer monitor.

My list goes on and on. But then again, these are all in the past. Gone. Buried. Dead. Buhbye.

I look back at all these so many unhappy endings and still refuse to be let down.Somehow I still believe, that perhaps, that happy ever after is not so far away.That perhaps, Prince Charming will eventually soon show up and kiss me back to life.

I keep on wondering if he's ever coming at all. Or maybe, he already passed me by while I was busy wasting my time with princes who actually turned into toads as time went by. I'd like to keep that faith. And until I find him, I will always be bestfriends with hope and trust that one day, some day, maybe i'll find my happy ending. He doesn't have to be a prince. Just someone who won't turn into a toad no matter how many kisses and smooches he gets from me after.   =)

Loving and Letting Go

Love. Everyone seems to want to have it but not everyone really finds it.At least not the kind that seems to last forever after.

It's the same vicious cycle.Boy meets girl.Girl falls in love.Boy leaves her.Girl's heart is left broken.So bad that it would take a whole universe to trust someone again and then want to go through that vicious cycle of going through the motion and yet get hurt...over and over again.

We never stop. Yes. Us. The ones who believe in finding true love. The ones who never give up on hope that one day...maybe someday...we will finally find that one person who will never ever hurt us and leave us. The one that finally puts fantasy into pure reality - that love does exist for forever after.

But then yet again, alas, because life is never like fairytale storybooks and does not really come with a guaranteed happy ending, we fall and then we get our hearts...broken. Yet.Again.

Letting go is never easy. It's frustrating. I feel whenever I let go, a part of me goes away. A part of me gets lost. Somewhere.For nothing. Sometimes I wish I belonged in a society where love does not exist. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be hurting. This bad.

Today I had to let go of something I thought would last forever. Yes - the kind that had a storybook happy ending. It happened so fast. I didn't even know how someone can just throw away something that seemed so solid, so real - just like that. Today I finally realized that love probably shouldn't exist in my heart.Maybe, just maybe, it didn't have to hurt this bad.

So goodbye to you. Yes you - the one who just broke my heart. I have given you the best that I possibly could and never really asked and expected for much. I just loved loving you and didn't really ask for much in return. Maybe that's why it was easy for you to just let go...all because I never asked for anything much. Maybe you felt you never really had to try. So hard.

I pray to God you never love as much as I have loved you, only to get hurt and broken in the end. Thank you for loving me and thank you for giving me the chance to love you the best way I possibly could. I wish you only the best and hope that when you find her, you never have to break her heart the way you did mine.

TOday I am letting you go. Today I promise myself that despite all the hurt and pain that I have inside me, I will not let that stop from opening myself up to other opportunities to build a solid relationship. Yes. The kind that lasts forever after. Maybe, just maybe, one day. I may never ever have to cry and hurt like this, ever again.

DICK

DO you have a friend named DicK? I don't.BUT - I certainly know a lot of Dicks. Dicks don't come easy in my life. I've only but encountered probably 3 or 4 in my entire lifetime.

Today was one of those unfortunate days.

Today was such a crazy day! It feels like the planets are so misaligned. Apart from a crazy, hectic day at work, I had a looney, let's just name him DICK -who read my blog somewhere and launched an all out personal attack on me and justified his senseless and pathetic rant by saying that I deserve to be treated that way because of my vehicle preferences (i.e. Hummer and my love for gas guzzlers).OH and then he even had the huevo to say that if I drove an Aston Martin, then I would probably be treated differently. I'm like, duh huh?! Whatever. I've friends who actually roll on an Aston Martin, Bentley and Rolls Royce everyday and were never even close to being named Dicks.Come to think of it, these friends of mine are nice, successful and did I mention goodlooking, to even come close to even be called, DICKS.

Anyway, as if that wasn't enough, soon as my friend deleted the link to my blog on her facebook page so "Dick" cannot access it and comment on it anymore, "Dick" had the audacity to send me a -lo and behold- super duper longgggggggggg private message on my facebook - never mind that I don't even know him - to continue his senseless, stupid and ignorant rant. What was in that email isn't even relevant or important to share because clearly, Dick needs attention.Dick needs someone to talk to.Dick needs to get laid!But that ain't coming from me honey. HELL No!Dick is so pathetic and soooo annoying a girl would probably have more pleasure reading Charlie Sheen's insane tweets than deal with Dick.Face.

I feel sorry for Dick. I wondered why he had so much hate in his heart I just had to weasle in his facebook profile. I figured, well if I had a face like that, I would probably be bitter. If I was a stay at home dad and wifey didn't also seem to have a real job, then I guess I would be bitter too. AND...if I thought that the Prius is the most sophisticated and technically advanced car in the whole wide world and owning one would ENTITLE me to berrate anyone who doesn't and most specially people who drive gas guzzlers, then I guess I would be bitter too. HAHAHA! Seriously, I don't think Dick has ever tried out, much less touched or smelled a Lambo or a Ferrari in his lifetime!Poor Dick!

I wonder how Dick treats the women in his life. I suppose if Dick could go off on a stranger he doesn't even know and rant the whole day senseless and stupid things, I can only imagine how he goes off on a rampage when he is with his wife, sister or mother. I wonder how wifey ever feels every night she has to sleep next to Dick.

On the other hand, I also wonder how women treat Dick. Whatever the case may be, I surely am so glad I do not know this Dick. Thankful I don't have his life, his outrage, and his plain fugly and obviously pathetic life.

Goodbye and good night Dickface. I do not look forward to hearing from you ever again. I certainly do not aspire to be in your list of your so called pathetic list of friends. Thank you God for making my life Dick free!Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-men!

Of Hummers and Priuses

Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of friends who drive Priuses and I sincerely, honestly love, love them to death. Ironically though, 9 out of the 10 times someone would either cut me off, tailgate, or even have the nerve to race me on the freeway, it would have to be...yes you totally guessed it right...some little fugly biatch or a**hole driving the mighty "let's save earth" PRIUS.

I mean, I just don't get it. So, people buy those little overpriced dunebugs to "save the earth". Yet you see them speeding through neighborhoods, driving like hell drivers doing 60 in a 25 mile zone...along shopping centers, school zones, school parking lots, parks...great gawd, I feel like they want to save the earth but don't have any regard at all for human beings...so what is the point then?

Then there are those who try to race you on the freeway and drive as if they were driving a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, or maybe -just maybe - even a Mustang.Sometimes I just shake my head and laugh, roll my eyes and yes, flip them the middle finger when they try to be a Jimmie Johnson and then sput sput choke in the middle of their road rage...hahahahaha!

Not so long ago, as I was parking my Hummer in a shopping center to go to Walgreens, this woman - who was driving the holy god let's save the world Prius - gave me the dirtiest of the dirtiest look. I felt like she was trying to cast an evil spell on me as she shot me the stinky eye when I got down my vehicle. Being one not to be pushed against the wall by bullies, I asked this bitch what her problem was. She then told me that MY vehicle was her problem. How could I drive a Hummer. A gas guzzler that is just so harmful and bad for the environment. She was talking to me with so much hatred in her tone it made me feel like I actually just killed someone just because I was driving the Hummer. Aghast and just plainly livid at this ignorant c*nt, I then fired back at her at how many trees needed to be cut down to produce her stupid car. At how her batteries aren't helping the environment at all and how stupid drivers who drive her stupid car and get into an accident need to call a firetruck everytime they get into an accident because of the queer needs of her stupid car. Oh and by the way, I told her to get a f*cking hobby and if she needed me to give her $20 so she can find someone else to talk to.

I then walked inside Walgreens and she continued to follow me. Lo and behold, we were to go to the same department too!Woohoo - this has got to be my lucky day! I got to the photo department first so I got served first - much to her dismay.
I handed the store clerk, Shawnie, 2 printer cartridges for her to fill. Stupid Prius lady asked me what those were and what I needed done. I then told her sarcastically that I, a Hummer driver that she hates so much, as a matter of fact, am having my printer cartridges refilled because, yes b*tch, I do recycle and yes c*nt, I am concious of how I utilize my resources...even if I drive a f*cking earth destroying Hummer.

We were then about to start a round two of our heated debate when Shawnie (the store clerk) asked me what Prius bitch's problem was. I then told her about how she was berrating me by solely judging me with what I drove. Prius lady then started to cut in.At this point, I was so exasperated and aghast at this fugly wart who needed to find a hobby other than starting out tense and fierce conversations with SUV driving strangers like me.I was so ready to bitchslap Ms. High and Mighty and just pay the $500 fine when Shawnie, as if on cue, blurted out, "Hummer or Prius, it don't matter at all. Y'all are lucky to even have a vehicle to drive. I have to walk and take the bus everyday so I can go to work. I wish I had a beater to make my life easier.I wish I had a car so I can see my kids sooner than having to commute for 3 hours just to get back home."

Wow. Just like that. It was as if heaven opened up to slap BOTH me and Prius bitch on the face. Sometimes it takes ONE person to open our eyes and teach us to just let things slide even when people are sometimes mean to us or say mean things to us. I was embarassed but the same time so thankful for this woman who made me realize how we often take so many things for granted and make so much fuss over things that really don't matter at all.

Happy Monday twitter world. It's been a crazy day but at the end of the day, I am thankful for such a crazy day because of being blessed with so much work.Good night.Be careful of self righteous Prius driving bitches - LOL!

Of fab gowns, dapper suits and facial mishaps...

Luv the Versace on Jennifer Hudson. I think she has a rocking body! And the color of her dress went so well with her skin tone! Love the sexy and naughty red Dolce and Gabbana on Scarlett Johannson. Never been a fan of Halle Berry but I have to admit that was a very elegant gown. I think Reese Witherspoon was the belle of the ball!Her outfit just took my breathe away and I was honestly wondering what was going through Jake Gyllenhall's mind when he saw her tonight.I was like, Ryan Philippe traded her for a Rihanna?It was like trading a Corvette for a Pontiac lol.

I think Ryan Seacrest's Burberry suit was dapper. Not a fan of Justin Timberlake but the dude definitely owned the red carpet tonight along with Hugh Jackman and Matthew McConaughey. Luv Christian Bale but dear God, he was totally barfy!What the hell was he thinking when he put that horrendous suit tonight and please, if you are going to the Oscars, the pubic hair on the face has got to go...yuck!

Goodnight twitter world. It's been wonderful.

Forecast for today: Cloudy with a chance of shitstorm

Nice and sunny in San Fran but today I am in a shitstorm and someone handed me an unbrella with holes in it. I am absolutely livid at how some people conveniently blame others for everything that's awful, sad, and tragic in their life...out of their own doing. All I can say is, don't you think it's time to grow up? Just a thought.