I can't sleep and when I can't sleep I do what I do best. Read. And Write...and try to get my dork on.
I want to write but for some reason I am distracted this morning. I know why I am but of course I will not write about that. Instead, let me make this distraction and writer's block reasons for me to pay homage to one of my favorite relationships expert, Greg Behrendt.
I love books.There are books that inspire, empower, work your imagination and really just make your brain a little bit sharper. And then there are books that you love because they serve as friends who truly and totally understand you when half of the world is asleep and no one really cares to listen to your feelings and apprehensions about commitment, skepticism about relationships and finding The One - those kind of books that don't really require a lot of brain power but f*cks your mind up anyway after reading it because you tend to analyze a whole universe of things and use your emotions along with it. =p
Friends say that over the years, I have changed. From being one who always believed in fairytale happy endings to someone who is so cynical about relationships those who know me so well tend to make fun of my emotional unavailability. They often wonder where that sweet girl who always dreamed of romance and happy ever afters went and where did this bitch who totally has no shame at all declaring her total emotional unavailability without batting an eyelash ever came from.
Defense mechanism.I guess. I've been hurt so many times I feel that when I get see signs that that one man isn't into me, then I try to put up this wall around me and instead of crying, tend to just be rational about it and tend to skip it and move on.
Where did I get this list from? Blame it on Greg Behrendt, author of the book "He is just not that into you". His book is like my bible. Every single time I feel sad, emotional, or just feeling sorry for myself that I come home every night to a very quiet house, I grab his book. It's like a happy pill. I read it and a couple of pages into it, I start feeling good again and don't feel so bad about being alone.
So how do you know someone is not into you?According to good ole Greg, here are the wonderful and astonishing signs:
He is just not that into you if:
1. He is not asking you out.
2. He is not calling you.
3. He is not dating you.
4.He is not having sex with you.
5.He only wants to see you when he is drunk
6. He doesn't want to marry you.
7. He is breaking up with you.
8. He's disappeared on you.
9. He is married and other insane variations of being unavailable.
10. He is having sex with someone else.
11. He is a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
Sounds familiar?I know huh...super scary because I bet you 8 out of 10 girls can identify or relate to at least one thing stipulated above.
So what's a girl got to do then, Again, according to my favorite relationship guru, the following should be every single girl's mantra:
I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future.
I will not, under any circumstance, spend my previous time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a man who is married.
I will not be with a man who is clearly not a good, kind, loving person.
Easier said than done but really, did you want to be that welcome doormat to that mean, inconsiderate jerk? I surely hope not.
Can you keep a secret? Really, it's not the list of danger signs nor the mantra that makes me run to this book over and over again. Let me share with you my daily affirmation, thanks to Mr. Greg Behrendt:
"Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.
... Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you NEVER GAVE UP ON HOPE.
Keep your heads up ladies. Let faith, hope and trust guide you in finding that one true love each and everyone of us so deserve in this lifetime.
Ciao!
xoxo
C
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